It's been 8 months since you left New York. Well, exactly 8 months yesterday. I didn't forget, I just had no time to sit and write to you. I'm sorry, princess. I still miss you, baby girl. I think I always will. You were such a big part of my life for almost two years, and you being in my life changed me for the better. Well, you and Nathan and TT and Cameron. Not Cameron as much as the others, because he's older and not at Grammy's house as often. But you especially. You're so special to me, Candis Jade. I can't believe it's been eight months already. I wish I could stop counting the months like this, but I can't. Yet, anyway. Maybe in time, but not now. Now, around the 21st of each month, I can't help but to think about you and to hope you're doing ok and to hope more than anything in the world that you're happy. That's all I want, Candis, is for you to be safe and happy and loved.
Sometimes, I think about asking mommy if she can call me next time she sees you, so I can talk to you. I want to talk to you again, Candis. I want hear your voice, and hear for myself that you really are doing ok. But then I wonder, should I? Would that be a weird thing to ask your mommy? Maybe not, because she knows what a big part of my life you were. And then I think, will you still remember me? Do you still remember talking to me on the phone? Do you still know who I am? Am I still your Kimberly? Can you say my name yet, or am I still "Kimerly" to you? Do you still miss me? Do you still remember your life up here? If I called, would the conversation still start with me saying hi, and you recognizing my voice and saying "Kimerly?!? Luh you!!"? Do you still say luh, or is it love now? I know you're growing up. I know it's been eight months. But, Candis, I still think of you as you were before you and mommy left. The image I have of you, the you that I know, is the you from eight months ago. I hate that I'm missing out on you growing up. I hate not being a part of your life the way things use to be.
I miss you, Candis. I miss you so much. And I love you forever. I don't know if I'm still your Kimberly, but you're still my Candis. You'll always always always be my Candis. I always miss you, but I miss you more around the 21st, around the time when you guys left. It might always be a hard time for me, I don't know. I love you, and I miss you.